Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I broke off the chances to get all this done, my impatience won. Too many no good for me's, I'll turn the clock I'm my own boss.

I don't want to update this blog nearly as often as I could or should. I just feel like my life is too mundane for anyone to really care about. The things are totally boring (somehow..) and I really really don't like sharing. All in all, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at, minus a few money problems and small bits of drama.

So there are many thoughts and emotions bouncing around in my head at the moment. For the sake of these people names (or specifics) will not be mentioned but anyone who knows my current situation should understand who I mean and WHY I am so vague on the topic. Currently I just feel so over a lot of things. A not so little secret, I am very picky and brush-offish about things *yeah you are* I usually don't take less than I deserve or want at the time but lately that's been different. I gave up.

I felt angry, confused, and sad - all wrapped up into one. I just felt I was doing something wrong and it makes me couldn't stop beating myself up about things :| I'm learning to be OK with myself on my own, I've been having a great time with friends and keeping busy, but I also fight that because the busier and happier I am, the more I don't think about you and it's all going to slip through my fingers because you think I don't care anymore. When do you accept life and LET-IT-GO?

So, no matter how many things go well (or bad), I always find myself questioning it. Or holding my breath until something goes totally wrong. And then I can barely enjoy anything positive because I worry too much about whether I will still be in that positive place in a day, a week, a month, a year. And then I get bummed out, and sad, and when someone asks me what IS wrong, I honestly have no explanation.

So I'm making this list for myself. Five rules that I'm putting into effect immediately. I'm hoping if they're written down, instead of just repeating it over and over in my head until I feel stupid, I will actually feel like there substance to them.
  1. Stop taking everything SO PERSONALLY. If I get corrected for an error at work, it doesn't mean that the co-worker/lecturer hates me. It goes on and on (remember the learning theories!!). Someone doesn't like a music that I do? It doesn't mean that they think my taste sucks,
  2. Don't worry myself with what-if, what-if, what-if,
  3. Stop thinking about the past, and worrying about the future. Live. In. Today!
  4. Finish my thesis ASAP. My God, I fucking hate it!
  5. For THE ♥LOVE♥ OF GOD, please stop overanalysing everthing!!
Until later, I really hope of some positive blog entry.

♥, Yourself.