Another shot of whiskey please Bartender, keep it comin' til I don't remember at all how bad it hurts when you're gone.

Thursday, September 5, 2013


All of our stuff had been packed in a blue box and I will keep it somewhere in my house. I don't have a heart to throw everything away. Not The Rainbow he had given me, the bracelets, our pictures.. And not my feeling. I know the last 1.5 years with him was so beautiful and I want to keep those memories. What I really wanna do is change the point of view and remove unnecessary attachment. I want to look back and smile and regret nothing. I want to be able to see and talk with him in the future as friends who have shared a bite of our past lives loving each other. Is that too much to ask for?


It was a bright sunny Sunday when he told me he wanted to end things but then we decided to hold everything til the next weekend. I asked him to consider his decision just because I wasn't ready for a break up. I realised that if he hadn't made the move to break up, I was probably going to hang in there a little longer, figuring that things would eventually get better again. But the last thing I know, I spent the next 24 hours thinking that it's not like I have a reason to hang on. Maybe the last 2 months (or more!) we had a dry season in our relationship and were weathered by the issues we each had to deal with. At the end I couldn't make him do something he doesn't wanna do so I wrote an email saying that I'm gonna let you go, right now.

I don't want to hate him. Neither of us was wrong and I don't want us to blame each other for this relationship or break up. My personal mistake is that I had put too much happiness and security in him and it's not his fault.

Now I have to build a new support system. I began reaching out to my friends more, started writing and making photos again. I was starting to live again. And I will live with our memories -both good or bad- and be thankful. :)

♥, Me.

11 comments:

  1. i've been trying to write a comment since few days ago. these posts are breaking my heart but i know you you'll be okay, a very strong, brave, and lovely woman... you deserve someone better than i am, than he is.

    ps: i'm not happy with your decision. i hope you can forget him and throw those stuff away. burn baby burn :D

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  2. i've been trying to write a comment since few days ago. these posts are breaking my heart but i know you you'll be okay, a very strong, brave, and lovely woman... you deserve someone better than i am, than he is.

    ps: i'm not happy with your decision. i hope you can forget him and throw those stuff away. burn baby burn :D

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  3. @Igor: Sure I will be okay. I mean look at us! We're maintaining good communication as friends right? So, no need to forget him :P

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  4. Ah resek, gini nih yang gw gak suka!

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  5. Kenapa semakin membaca lo "tegar" gw yg semakin ngenes. Inget dulu lo lagi curhat di Cuppage Road mukanya seneng plus khawatir mau mulai hubungan itu is so much better dibanding ngeliat muka lo di hari terakhir berhubungan sama dia. I wish I was there to hug you... :'( And even tho I dunno & belum pernah ketemu sama si Mas Gatot ini, I really wanna meet him sambil nanya, "What's wrong with YOU?" (don't dare to say lo dan dia tidak punya mistakes ya, but I really wanna hear something from his mouth gitu #gondok)

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  6. Maya Sayang... Mama baru saja menulis di blog mama tetapi lebih sedih saat membaca tulisan-tulisan Maya. Mama ingat, usia mama dan papa Adnan juga beda jauh tapi dunia tetap terasa indah bersama-sama. Mama tau saat kamu sayang pada seseorang kamu akan melakukan apapun yang kamu bisa untuk menjaga dan menyayangi mereka tapi kalau mereka pergi, mereka memang tidak diciptakan untuk menikmati perhatian dan kasih sayang kamu. Suatu hari akan ada orang yang tepat, dimana mungkin itu orang lain, mungkin juga orang lama yang akan kembali pada kamu. Lakukan apa yang menurut kamu benar, seperti menjaga hubungan kamu dengan Adhit telah kamu anggap sebagai keputusan yang benar (dan mama sangat berterima kasih untuk itu). Kamu anak kuat dan baik, pasti bisa 'move on'! Love: Ma Anyez.

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  7. Hai Mam Anyez.. Maya terharu baca commentnya.. :( Makasi Maaa untuk friendship kita selama ini. Bukan Maya yang tau yang terbaik, tapi Tuhan. Sekarang lagi "beres-beres" dulu tapi semoga Maya tetap bisa jaga silaturahmi dengan siapapun ya, Ma.. Amin.

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  8. Hai... Sebagai silent reader yang setia (well, no longer a silent reader dong ya? hehe...) saya takjub banget kamu bisa menyikapi hal ini dengan posit if walupun mungkin dikehidupan nyata pasti lebih berat. Break up bukan akhir dari segalnya, dan kalau kamu bilang kamu bukan quitter, ini adalah secret relationship, dan after segala perjuangan kamu untuk bertahan kemudian dari sisi laki2nya yang memutuskan duluan untuk mengakhiri hubungan ini, artinya tuhan memang menunjukkan bahwa dia bukan yang terbaik untuk kamu. Ada yang bilang "Love may be a risk, but I'd risk it all to be with you" then it's a proof that he isn't THE one. Apalagi the fact that he's 12 years older than you are, laki2 yang baik akan punya visi. Jadi tanpa maksud mencampuri, ini pasti yang terbaik buat kamu :)

    I love your blog. Keep on writing... -P-

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  9. @Priscilia: Halo Mba, thanks for your support & love. Apa yang saya tulis di sini adalah pemikiran *tentunya* setelah 2 malem nangis dan mencoba "bangkit" sambil berfikir positif & fokus ke depan. I mean.. "Hello, kalo dia baik-baik saja, kenapa gue mesti merana??" :)) Pastinya ada pemikiran/asumsi negatif, penyesalan, dan hal buruk lainnya, tapi saya ngga mungkin menuliskan di sini, mending memaafkan saja :) Waktu yang akan menyembuhkan dan menunjukkan juga apa yang sebenarnya terjadi.

    Nah, saya termasuk orang yang berani mengambil risiko tersebut dan akan saya kembalikan seluruh jalan ke depan ke Tuhan. But again, seandainya "love" cuma involve 1 orang, pasti sudah saya buat seindah mungkin. Have a nice day, Mba!

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  10. Great to hear your answer! My advice to young women is that your time and your youth are valuable. Don't waste it. Unless he has other redeeming qualities, consider moving on.

    One more question, I'm curious, what you can learn from your ex?

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  11. @Priscilia: Kalau dari dan dalam hubungan, saya tidak mempelajari seorang laki itu seperti A atau seperti B karena saya tidak mau mengeneralisasi dan menjadi traumatis atas suati sifat/sikap tertentu. Saya lebih belajar mengenai diri saya dan apa makna hubungan itu untuk saya, honestly. If there's something HE needs to learn from our relationship, I'd tell him that: I may not be a good girl but no one can love you better than I did."

    Thank you! Just keep in mind that he's a good man, prolly it happened because we're not meant to be together. :)

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