Thursday, May 5, 2011

Oh sweet lungs don't fail me now your burning has turned into fear it drills me in my every step I'm moving quick but you're always on my heels.

To give you a little back story, at the end of 2010, I decided to take a 6-months *unpaid* study leave to finish my master's thesis and finally-finally-finally graduate....

But taking a 6-months break from your job doesn't mean you can fully concentrated to your thesis. Up until that point, I had been too consumed with 'the elation' of leaving my job and the pressure of finishing this thesis to think of the sacrificed I made in order to graduate this June. However, I wasn't really productive. The first chapter was brutally hard, and my advisor wouldn't let me to go to the next chapter without finishing the first. First chapter is the baseline, the guideline, the answer of "Why are you writing this thesis? Why did you choose this topic? And other Whys." But my absolute question is: Why do we have to write a master thesis? Argh!

With my chronic lack of thesis productivity I decided to accept a part-time position in the company when my bosses offered it last month. I need something to divert my attention when I am suffering from "Panic at the Thesis" moments. Though I certainly didn't regret my old decision to take a break from my job, during my absences I realized that whenever something is gained, something else disappears. Therefore, a part-time position seems to be a win-win solution for me and the company, because they also need me haha! So, COBIT and QA, I'm coming back to yoooou..!

Monday morning, I finally turned in Chapter 1. It was 18 pages long, that equals FOUR MONTHS hard work, and TWO months overdue from my own timeline. As I expected, my advisor approved it on Tuesday and now all I have to do is write the second chapter (which is Literature Review), and yet I am still staring at a blank page and am feeling a little bit stupid.

Okay, so the page isn't exactly or 100% blank. I have an outline, but it doesn't do much good. The headings I've made are good, but there's nothing good under those headings. So now, it's a good night to start reading a new book about Performance Management Improvement that will boost your "Self-Efficacy" (ahem, my thesis topic!), but since I have one pending work, I think I'm going to wear my employee hat right now.

See you tomorrow thesis!

♥, A miserable Master of Applied Psychology in Human Resource student.