The past few weeks at the office were not pleasant. Though nothing happened exactly. Actually, nothing at happened at all, but my emotions were really unkind to me. Roiling is the word, and I know it's not the first time I've described this physical pain in my head. I'm really tired. Slept barely 3-4 hours and that's so not enough for a pig like me. I went to bed in a mess. I've been a mess lately. Really. I pulled clothes haphazardly out of my wardrobe in the morning, usually with 20-30 minutes to spare as I dash out, I skipped breakfast and dinner, I arrived home after 12 am in the next morning. I completely abandoned my nightly routine.
I feel like I lost a weekend though. Well, that's because I did lose some weekends. The older I am in this company, the bigger responsibility I received. And I'm not sure I am ready for this. Of course I feel challenged, but will I able to do it well if my task list keeps growing before I finish one?
Like the last two days at the office, I had more than 20 items to be completed on my task list. For the first (or second) time, I didn't know what to do. One-two tasks was overwhelmingly difficult. I had no idea what I was doing. Also, I'm very easily distracted lately. I mean, moooore so than before. I can so easily lose my train of thought and ideas, because my thinking turns into something nasty or bad. I was mentally exhausted. My mind couldn't stand the quantity of task gathered in that list.
The past few days, I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I want to shut myself away for a period of time. I'd like to admit more but it's really making me vulnerable to expose so much, especially here.. But I think I'm becoming rather reckless. If I had the right mind I'd never have posted this at all, or be writing it at all, right?
Don't get me wrong. I still do laugh. And when I laugh I get so happy. Like the knot loosens up! :)
Now, on a brighter note. I went to The Highland Park Resort, Bogor, for an internal meeting. I was soooo happy! The meeting was held in a camp for 12 hours until mid night. Yes, I was sleepy as usual but at least I survived! Go check their website [link] for details. I may come back with my family some day.
Next.. On 1-4 March I'll be in Singapore with the office's devils! It's going to be an amazing and fun trip for us! I think it was a really good escape for us from the stress of daily life, even though if I had an authority I wouldn't choose Singapore anymore because I have love and hate relationship with that country. But you know what, I can't hardly wait for this trip because I know it's gonna be fuuuuun!
Until later!
♥, Me.
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