I'm through with playing by rules of someone else's game. Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to close my instincts, close my eyes and leap!

Hey.. I'm taking a little needed break from working tonight to talk about something personal.

Earlier this year, The Pacar and I got into some conversation about how I was feeling about the job and people's opinion about my career. I had been having doubts for a few months but I was trying to remain positive and I really didn't want to tell anyone about that. Because let's face it, I was very thankful to be employed. Maybe the pay wasn't that great, maybe I was still working nights and weekends, but for some reason, I really wanted it to work.

After a little praying, I told myself that I didn't think this job was going to work anymore.. Surprisingly, I didn't feel foolish because I had been trying so hard to make it work and I had been working there for three years and a half. I currently have good records, I got promoted to Manager in three years, I've held so many responsibilities, you name a good thing.

But let me explain something: I think I still love my job. I love meeting with new people, researching, making proposals, creating materials, brainstorming new ideas, and even giving the occasional tongue lashing. My actual job: Consulting. I love it.

What is getting harder and harder for me is to dealing with the working hours and my actual passion. Granted, long working hours with crazy workloads has consumed my energy, emotions, and personal time.

Let me tell you a secret. Since I was a little kid, I always wanted to be a self-employee because my father was a boss, and my mom too. It's a dream of mine to be my own boss. But when I grow up, part of me just said that's not realistic because I think it's normally not enough to support a family with. Besides, I pursued management degree so I could learn the ins-and-outs of business management.. then I concluded doing business for myself without certain experiences would be a murder.

So I managed to holding on rather than moving on. Just be realistic and I wouldn't throw myself into uncertainties. 

In the last couple of day, I have realised a lot. I realised that I need to concentrate on what's happening in my life now, and what's going to happen in my future. Having my mind filled with the What If's won't help me to progress in any way. So I'm evaluating everything that I currently have in my life, everything that I currently think, everything that I currently do, and I am determining if it's congruent.

Are my inner and outer world aligned?

Am I living in alignment with who I believe I really am?

So earlier this week, I finally made a decision: It might be time to find a new job. I'm ready to fly.

But do I have leads on new job? Not yet.. :) I'm sure I'll find something, I just need to have some patience, something I am usually sorely lacking.

There's still a lot of work to do. The work never really ends, but now that I have made this commitment to leave my job, I must ensure I'm supporting myself mentally and emotionally by eliminating any thoughts that are not in alignment with my higher goals.

I told myself that I need to concentrate on all of the blessings I have been given and rejoice in the God for the many wonderful ways He has provided for me. I'm officially looking for a better life and life style. I'm still working at this advisory firm until I find another job that is aligned with my higher goals. I want to do my best to leave this company with gold footprints, with something that my employers will be remembered.

Well, I guess I'll keep you updated. This is a beginning of a new journey.

♥, Me.