Saturday, October 20, 2012

Don't wait, don't wait, the road is now a sudden sea and suddenly, you're deep enough to lay your armor down.

And so, we meet again.. This time I mean it. I really really mean it.

I had 2 months of blah at work due to crazy careless project Counterparts. My pants feel extra tight and my belly feels extra squishy that all I wanted is punching someone right on their face. I totally feel like a shit. Most of the time (at work) I want to look at those people and flip them the bird, but instead I find myself defending the emotions I have or worse, acting like I don't feel that way. When the reality is, I do. I feel like this client company doesn't treat us with as much respect as we treat them.

Honestly, I can't "deal" with it. I just need time. Time to reflect. Time to just be mad. I'm more emotionally aware that most and I do my best to better myself and be the best person I can be, but there is a part of me that is tired of respecting people with my whole heart and then getting disappointed. So right now, I just want to be a little bitter and don't act like everything is alright with this system and this project. I really want to get out or get involved in something new and meet new people.

People really don't know what to do when you feel this way, but it happens! We are taught that we can't be mad or we have to find the solutions and just enjoy your job. So what are you supposed to do when you just don't have it in you to see the brighter side?

And as if being shitty wasn't bad enough, I got sick last week. My stomach felt queezy and I had sore throat for a few days but I ignored it. Well, on last Friday the 12th it went from just chills to me waking up thinking I must have typhoid fever. By that afternoon I felt very nausea and I threw up in front of my boss. My CEO. My. Chief. Executive. Officer.

Enough complaining.. Now I'm jumping to my chemical romance...

Mas Pacar and I are still doing great. We're hanging out a lot and we just lose track of time when we are together, which is nice. We finally hit some real bumps in the road. He even said I cussed at him, which I don't remember, but it sounds about right, so okay :P On one hand no one likes to argue, but on the other I am glad we did because I think it showed me we can fight, somehow. It wasn't like we're going to do the childish, "I'm breaking up with you!!" no.. it wasn't like that at all. It was just a little tiff caused by personality differences that was almost over as quickly as it started. We're not hard to please... besides I was raised in that era where if something was broke, we fixed it - not throw it away :)

Well, it's midnight and I'm going to hit the hay not. I'm feeling pretty tired. Good night!

♥, Me.