Thursday, October 3, 2013

Show me the meaning of being lonely is this the feeling I need to walk with tell me why I can't be there where you are there's something missing in my heart.

It's mid night *I know* but I just received a phone call from a close friend of mine telling me that she broke up with her fiancé. I couldn't believe and understand how somebody who months prior had gotten down on one knee, looked her in the eye and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life loving her, could just stop loving her.

It brought my heartache back. I still remember the moment when he told me he loves me; when he showed his most fragile heart telling me the stories about his family, past relationships, and his most deepest secret; and when he thought "Melihat kamu Mas berpikir.. Kayaknya Mas bisa hidup sama kamu / Kita pacaran bukan hanya untuk mengisi kekosongan." I can remember all of these memories and suddenly, BAM!, he stopped. Stopped trying. Stopped caring me. Stopped loving me.

As a woman, I understood how fragile a person's heart is, including a man's. As a human being we have a huge responsibility when we love someone. We have to do everything we can to protect that. The million dollar question would be: Do you understand so much deeper what it means to truly love someone? I understood the responsibility of taking his heart in my hands. How much love isn't about me, and isn't about what I need, but it's about taking care of the other person needs and nourishing that. Wanting to see them flourish. I guess he didn't understand that. My friend's fiancé didn't understand that. Or did we miss something?

I'm not perfect. I have baggage. I come with quite a few bruises and scares. But aside form all of that, I understand the privilege it is for someone to let me love them. Knowing that you have someone who is going to be there for you emotionally, physically, mentally is a pretty reassuring thing. The flip side to it is when you let your guard down and let them in you run the risk of them hurting you in a way that makes you feel pretty damn bad. It amazes me to know that one word can make you feel like someone stole something from you. So baggage is a funny thing, because the second you think you have gotten rid of it all, it manages to come back and smack you in the face.

Life sucks sometimes.. no denying that. But I keep reminding myself that life is what we make it. Take 5 minutes to count on your blessings. I know, sounds a little bit retarded but after you do it, you will be amazed at how great life is. Then take the time to tell the people in your life how much they mean to you. We can take our friendships for granted and it is always nice to hear from someone you love just how much they love you in return.

♥, Me.


Abhi said...

I'm sending so much great big hugs! May God bring the healing you seek.

Anonymous said...

Gw pun kadang masih lupa memang harus begitu kalau sayang sama orang. Setelah nikah & punya anak itu sayang ya.... cuma terasa sayang. Penting banget untuk bisa jaga hati orang dari pas pacaran dengan siapapun pacarannya (pacar pertama, kedua, dst...) Paling gak banget kalau pacaran dengan orang yang nggak jujur dari awal atau pernah nyakitin perempuan lain sebelumnya (karena makin gak ada jaminan dia bisa jaga hati perempuan).

It's time to move on dedek & temannya... Biar mereka belajar dari kesalahannya sendiri melalui karma. Trust me, I've been there.

Madison said...

I have been in the same boat with you. When people decided to stop loving and caring, people don't actually change. They just have momentary steps outside of their true character. You know the meaning of loving someone and he did not, so let him be with the one who's 'less fortunate' xx

Maya Junita said...

Hi Madison, thank you for stopping by. At the same time, I believe that people don't change - they only start to show their true self ;) Just be wise, it requires that you accept the truth.