Tuesday, December 25, 2018

Coffee Talk #5: Catching Up with Life.

So I just had a very adult-y talk with friends o'mine. Both of them are newly separated/divorced so our convo was kinda odd from my perspective. The Guy (let's say his name was Agus) admitted that he cried like a baby after that decision was made, but probably a bit defensive, he said, "I don't know where the idea came from that guy don't cry. We live in a world where tears are fucking real!", Agus sipped his coffee. "We are emotional beings.", he continued.

"There are appropriate times and ways to do so. Go ahead and cry or whatever you need to do.", I responded. I don't understand the pain, but since I had an unsuccessful relationship long time ago, I know when a relationship ends there might be a god-sized hole in our lives. So, yeah, you can cry. Burying the anger, pain, and grief, sometimes only set us up for worse problem later.

The Girl (let's say her name was Mita), shouted, "As a woman sometimes my tears flow and I'm not sure why.". She added, "Now I was perceived as a Janda Kembang. Dating me who is recently divorced means potential unresolved issues oooor he'd think I'm looking for a one night stand to help me overcome my pain. I overthink everything and I cry.", Mita drew a cutie-pie smile on her face.

Umm.. Okay *awkward moments* "Can I just leave you two here?"

And they were like, "Nooo! Stay heeeere, stay here so you know what in divorcees minds!"

Umm.. Okay *stay still*

Next things I know, we laughed a lot. We talked about how to benefit your "me time" after a divorce/separation to figure out who we are so we can start a new life (read: to start a relationship again). And they are agree that they're first relationship may be a little reboundy (which I cannot relate to that logic) but the good thing is they didn't seem confused and understand what went wrong in their own marriage even though they realised now they have baggage.

In my perspectives, ending relationship (or a marriage) marks not only the end of a relationship, but it's the end of a major chapter in our life. Adjusting to it can be difficult, but it isn't impossible. All that being said, there are patterns. Certain actions are more likely to lead to good outcomes that others.

It was a fun afternoon with Agus and Mia afterall. We've been friends for 10+ years! When I compared my life in 2008 and my life now, obviously there are changes. In 2008 I only worried about what's gonna happen tomorrow. I only worried if I go out with my boyfriend tonight I might not make it to tomorrow class. Hell, we can even go out and party 2 nights before exams still rocked the night out hanging out and playing music.

In present days, Friday night is all about constant yawning while I sip mineral water or apple juice slowly and catch up about work, life, and men annoy me from time to time. Bed & Netflix are much more comfortable than going to a bar or night club listening to the wrong music, watching wrong people dancing to wrong moves.

I heard a single experience is enough to change our perspective about someone or something. So I believe that past relationship teaches us a lot.