Spice Girls.

Cenah playlist anak 90-an berhenti di "situ" aja.

Buat gue sih iya. Gue jarang banget denger lagu/band baru, terutama setelah pensiun cari-cari band emo dan kejebak di One Directions yang akhirnya bubar itu. HIH!

Tapi bukan berarti gue dengerin lagu itu-itu doang loh ya. Kadang gue suka explore artis/musisi lama yang mungkin dulu gue ngga suka, trus pas didengerin.... Weh, oke juga ternyata! Akhirnya dengerin hampir semua lagunya lalu menyadari betapa nyeselnya dulu ngga ikutan ngefans apalagi kalo udah bubar jadi ngga bisa nonton konsernya.

Dua-tiga bulan belakangan ini gue lagi sering dengerin Spice Girls karena salah download di Spotify. Maksudnya waktu itu mau download album siapa gitu, malah kepencet download 1 album Spice Girls, jadi apa boleh buat dengerin itu selama bolak-balik naik pesawat. Trus karena ngga mau rugi, gue bilang ke Igor, "Nih dengerin Spice Girls, kangen kan lo!"

Atuhlah dia jadi keterusan dengerin Spice Girls sampai beberapa waktu lalu dia randomly nyeletuk ke, "LU TAU NGGAK LEAD VOCAL DI REFFRAIN VIVA FOREVER ITU VICTORIA BECKHAM?"

And I was like, "DID SHE VIBRATE A VOCAL CORD?"

Him, "Nah, no need. She's a businesswoman."

(Dan kenapa cara ngomong kita juga terjebak di convo komedi 90s ya?)

Aku sih mau nabung.. mau dateng lagi kalau ada konser Spice Girls. 

Boybands.

Sebagai orang yang grow-up di tahun 1990-2000-an, rasanya normal-normal aja untuk mengakui kalau kita suka (atau pernah suka) sama boyband. Zaman itu kan berseliweran banget boyband dari negara barat ya.. Walaupun gue New Kids On The Block (NKOTB) garis keras, gue tetep dengerin boyband lainnya seperti NSYNC, BSB, Blue, O-Town. Gue cuma ngga ikut-ikutan bikin klippingnya aja. :D

Sekarang gue masih mengakui bahwa gue penikmat boyband. Kalau gue abis ngaku ke seseorang bahwa gue suka boyband, mereka pasti langsung nebak, "NSYNC ya? BSB? All4One?". Biasanya gue iya-in atau gue jawab, "Pokoknya semua boyband lah." Tapi sebenernya my guilty pleasure is..

Terrified.

You, by the light is the greatest find

In a world full of wrong you're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You said it again, my heart's in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love

And I'm terrified

For the first time and the last time in my only life

And this could be good it's already better than that

And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you needed if you let me try

You said it again, my heart's in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I'm at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I'm in love

And I'm terrified

For the first time and the last time in my only life

I only said it 'cause I mean it

I only mean it 'cause it's true

So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming

'Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I'm without you

***

My playlist brought me back to 2010. :)

 

I can't live a lie running for my life I will always want you I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me.

"I just closed my eyes and all I saw was you" - Alive by Bo Bruce.

"Just A Kiss" - Lady Antebellum.

I wish I had a video of me and Andra covering this song when we're hanging out at Sentosa Island, September 2011. I just heard this song at a coffee shop with Mas (I just came home from a "date", FYI), sure it brings back the memory.

What would you say if I asked you not to go to forget everyone forget everything and start over with me would you take my hand and never let me go promise me you'll never let me go.

Back in 2004, I dig my brother's music folder in our shared computer and found a song titled "Promise" by Matchbook Romance (RIP). The first time I heard this song, it feels like WHOAH damn, I like this one! The next day, I gave my 2-years boyfriend a copy of Promise, and told him I wanted him to play that song in the next gig - but it never happened because we broke up two or three months later, in the same year. Promise is a crazy song with powerful lyrics. It shows how someone can be soooo dependent on their love that the only time they feel alive is when that person is around them.

Two thousand and six. I was 19, was pretty busy with my undergrad school, and for a few years I had been avoiding any situations where I could potentially fall in love. The thing is I wasn't really over the break up (my 2004 break up) and I thought starting a relationship with someone who is head over heels over me while I still 'hurt' from the break up is not fair to the other person. I needed some time alone and I believed one day there will be a perfect time to start a relationship with someone. Several months later, I (re)met a great guy and we hit it off really well. We got similar interest, we loved to share stupid stories, and both of us were recovering from our break up (what a coincidence!). I remember that one day he said, "I don't think the way back to love will simply come with time. Because without the strong intent and right actions, the readiness may never come." His words stabbed me.

One day, we played guitar together. We sang at the top of our lungs. "Do you know a song titled Promise?", I asked him. "Promise by Matchbook Romance? That's the shit! I'll bring the melody, you play the bass.", he answered - but we switched because I didn't know the bass tabs. The song started gravelly because we couldn't sing some low notes. What would you say if I asked you not to go.. We both realized we sounded creepy and had a stupid laugh.

.. to forget everyone forget everything and start over with me. I could relate to the line so much when we decided to start a relationship. Would you take my hands and never let me go, promise me you'll never let me go. It seems that what our hearts needed - we need each other.

And the starts aren't out tonight, but neither are we to look up at them. Why does hello feel like goodbye? These memories can't replace, these wishes I wished and these dreams I chased. Take this broken heart and make it right. I remember the night we found out the major thing that set into motion the decline of our relationship almost three years later. That day was sort of a fog for us and it ended by us locking ourself in his car and spending the night silently (to get into the details of what happened aren't really important). After all this stuff, I didn't just up and leave him, which began our 17-months journey to what I was hoping would be healing. We did our best to be a good friend for each other and we 'want to see what develops'.

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone, left remembering what it's like to have you here with me. Remember when a wise person told you that you will appreciate each other more after you spent some time apart? Those 17-months was such a fog. We lost in the woods for several times and we found each other again. I knew we hadn't disengaged emotionally because we were stupid and were too scared to let go. That day I said that we need to stop calling our relationship something that it's not (again), which led us to go our separate ways. Unfortunately for our relationship, both of us didn't want for things to be fixed. I thought you should know, you're not making this easy.

One sure thing about love is that you can't have it without risking a heartbreak. As for now, we have a fun time when we hang out and talk together (as friends!), which makes me sure that both of us are on the same page. More over, we think that we really should invest our time learning to love ourselves.. and move on :) We will look back and see how much we've grown through all the good times and the bad. Yeah, we hate the bad times.. they are no fun!

Two thousand and eleven. Seven years since the first time I heard that song, and three months after the "real" break up. I still know every word to this song not because this song is THAT relateable, but it's because this song IS beautiful.

♥, Me.

The ascension of procrastination.

I've come to the conclusion that I cannot learn or work without music. The only thing that matters: I need to hear some words. That's true. I vowed to make a new playlist every month, and to be specific, I name the playlists "(Month) (Year)". But if you see the current playlists on my iPod, you wouldn't find April 2011 and May 2011 playlist, because I made the most brilliant playlist name *eh-ver*: Thesis Anthem. It accurately describes my inner turmoil and backpain. It consists of 125 songs from 1960s to 2011; from Fleetwood Mac to Demi Lovato via Sixpence None The Ritcher; from alternative rock to acapella; and from boybands to gays.

Other than the "Thesis Anthem", I like to keep coffee by my desk because the caffeine and its smell wakes me up. Bengawan Solo's Brandi Cookies is the best, followed by 7-eleven's Cappucino, or maybe Torabika's Cappucino (I don't like Starbucks' frappie). I just dragged myself to the nearest 7-eleven (Pondok Indah) and bought a medium cup of hot cappucino. I usually have it cold in my own tumbler, but now aka the lazy and sleepy night, hot cappucino have won me over. And look, I use paper glass (not tumbler) which means I hope it will get colder soon. Kaboom!

Okay, so this post is just another form of procrastination. I hate thesis. Oh yes, there must be a holiday in some part of this country tomorrow. Congratulations! Once again, I hate thesis. Okay, I promise for the next hours, I will put all stress aside and just enjoy life while I work. Bye.

♥, Me.

I just want to be with you 'cause living is so hard to do when all I know is trapped inside your eyes.

Oh Adam,
Please be at least bisexual.

♥, Me (and Nadya)

Photo source: [link].

I'm up against the speaker, tryin' to take on the music. It's like a competition, me against the beat.

You may have noticed that a number of my previous entries are titled using song lyrics. The thing is, I love music. It is so power full, it can make or break your mood, your day, everything. The entries relate to the lyrics, but only a few that relate just to the line. Sometimes lyrics speak to the heart of matters much more than I could ever put into words myself.

It's funny how we can forget about certain singers/bands or genres. Sometimes we completely leave them behind as if they were a person you just got tired of spending time with 'cause something else came along. I was shuffling through my iTunes this morning, and came across a song that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't imagine how I had forgotten about that band and their songs.

I genuinely believe that we don't miss something until we notice that it is gone - but how did I not notice that it was gone?

♥, Me.