my wings are broken..

wheeeww.. whatta hot monday afternoon!
i'm tired. tired. and tired.
my head is dizzying and i still confusing about.. what should i dooo??
my mom still hospitalized, my brother is going to cinema, another one is having fun at puncak with his classmates, my daddy is working (working? probably not. he might be take care of my mom). and me? i just sitting in front my brothers' computer, googling, blogging, friendstering, msn.. and again, i'm still confusing about the things that i should do.

i am very very very lazy. the temperature is rising.

and i am very tired of this life. uhm.. okay, not this life actually.

everything is gettin' worse since in the middle of this semester. it's all because of the goddamn assignments!! there were so many assignments and f***in' presentations to do. and i couldnt handle the pressure. when everybody have some fun wherever it is and enjoying their friday nite, saturday nite, and holiday, i prefer to take a rest and sleeping at home.. dropping this high temperature.... and hoping i can do the things that they all gonna have.

assignment changes my life.

yes, it's all because of the f*** s*** goddamn f***in' f*** assignment!!
the pressure comes because of ASSignments! -and also my thyphoid!!

and the biggest effect was comin'. i did not prepare anything to face the final exam. I DID NOT PREPARE ANYTHING!! and there is no effort that i do to solve this problem.

okay, it should not be this bad, but why is it feel sooooooooooo baaaaaadd???????

i know i'm better than that.
I KNOW I'M BETTER THAN THAT!!
i'm better than i thought i am.

but i cannot feel anything..
since my mother hospitalized, it seems like no one support me. my boyfriend? don't talk about him. he's busy with his internship at Switzerland. and the bad news is, his feeling is not better than mine. he was depressed with his job and assignment.

i think this is the most kancut momment in my life. ever!

it's not my comfort zone. but, uhmm.. actually i never be afraid to live ouside my comfort zone, but being a busy-because-of-assignment person it's "not so me". and TODAY, i feel like..

"my wings are broken."

may be i need CPR.. (oops?!)

*exhaling*

may be i'll get bad grade at some subjects (especially business f***ing ethic). and i hope i can learn from my mistake. how big the pressure in my head, i have to move. move. move. and breathe!!

huff.. honestly, i was very speechless today. it was very hard to determine my mood in bahasa indonesia. so i decided to write this blog in english although i know that my english is far from perfect.. and i did. at least, i've tried.

thanks to yodi for msn me and had a lil' bit funny chat! many peoples are online today, but he is the one who was pv me. thanks to igor for your sweet afternoon call (take care, bihun!).


"the person who will carries my body until finish line is myself!!"