Sunday, March 2, 2014

Life as a 26.

Raise your hand, if your life looks exactly how you thought it would by now. Yeah, me neither. But in a lot of ways, my life looks a whole lot better. Better than I could have dreamed. (A little bit) Better than I would've ever thought to ask God for.

To be honest, I never really tried to imagine my life at 26 in much detail. It always sounded soooo old. And so far away. I've never been a huge planner - much more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sorta girl, but I think had you asked the 16 years old be where I would be in 10 years, I would have told ya I would be living in my own designed little house or apartment with my husband (but not too far from my family or friends), and we would be doing something exciting with our lives.

And I never would have written in the chapters about my endometriosis, or having my heart break as I was exposed to the suffering of others here and around the world. All the parts including pain and disappointments of hope deferred would have never made their way into my story. But I still think the real life version is better. :))

Don't get me wrong.. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the ignorant bliss of not realising of how much I've been given, in turn not knowing how much is required of me as I become aware of what's happening in our world. It would be great if the things I want most in my life came easy and without any risk and if letting go was never an option because I only every wanted for things within my reach. So, yeah, 16 was pretty good, but 26 has a beauty to it that's only come from the tough times in between.

One thing I'm sure of in my life, God knows me better than I know myself. Something I literally have to repeat out loud when I am disappointed, when things don't my way, when no matter how hard I try, I still don't understand. Because ultimately, I believe with my whole heart God is good, and that He loves me, and that He is working things together for good in and through me. In that, I am liberated to keep dreaming. And to take steps forward, to risk, and to hope. I'm willing to bet we would find the same theme repeating if we all exchanged stories. That contrary to every fear raised in our flesh when things don't go our way.. when we trust God to be good, we actually allow ourselves to experience His imagination to our lives.

Someone told me, God paints in colours we have never seen. I don't know where my life will be at 36, but that's definitely the kind of story I want. ;)

♥, Me.