FIWB!

Last week, an old client reached out to me and inquired about a consulting job. When she asked how long it had been since we last met, I answered seriously, "Mbak, we now measure time in terms of pre-pandemic and post-pandemic. The last time we met was waaaaayyy before the pandemic".

I was joking, but I was serious too :)) Many of us have unintentionally agreed to this kinda time division. I wonder if that's how humanity originally establish "BC" and "AD".

Anyhow, a few days earlier, I found this on Stickies. I wrote this during night group chat with my friends in 2021 and we were drunk in front of our computer (so technically we write this together and decided to not give it a damn).

(I hid this Stickies for years. I rarely open it because I find it messes up my desktop wallpaper).

But it's funny, yeah?

I am too lazy to read my blog post archives but I remember during the pandemic, I complained a lot about work. About everything, generally. Now, It's probably been 1-2 years since we've ditched masks and returned to normal life. I've almost forgotten how it felt to be scared to leave the house for fear of contracting covid. Now I was like, damn, a few years ago so many people died from covid and now seeing us all healthy feels... unfair. The virus was deadly, and now it's been over a year since I've heard anyone report catching covid.

But the most annoying part is remembering all the time WASTED because of PSBB or whatever they were called. It SUCKS that this month I suddenly turn 37, and I totally forgot what I did when I was 33-35. 36? Oh, I'll definitely will remember this age because something *historic* happened that made me who I am today (this could be good or bad, we'll see the effects in a few years - mwah!).

I just wanted to write a bit to mess up this blog. What I am writing now is different from my original plan, because I was going to share something but nah, I'll keep it to myself for now. Meanwhile, I'll post some random photos from the past year.

Let's enjoy the LAST YEAR OF FUCK IT WE BALL!!!! Adios!

First business trip to Vietnam. Wondering if it also be the last? I like the food and the "Bandung-esque" atmostphere of Ho Chi Minh City.

And now, jumping to random days in Singapore:

Perhaps the most important thing this year is finding ways to upgrade myself because, for god's sake, the expertise I've chosen in this world is actually stressing my mind and mental health......

...... and mistakes? Made plenty. Regrets? Maybe a few. But again, this is the final chapter of FIWB, so que sera-sera. Let's see what chaos I can create next!

#Yasudahlah of the Let It Be.

For those close to me, you must know that I am the type of person who is descriptive and methodical in explaining my feelings and thoughts. I want people not to misinterpret me and to understand why I hold certain opinions. I am still the same person, but lately, I find myself less inclined to argue or express my thoughts/feelings if I feel they will contradict with my conversation partner.

I greatly value others' opinions, but now I've become somewhat indifferent.

I took a moment to introspect after realising that many of my conversations and responses began with "tapi" or "cuma", even though I did NOT mean to convey something contradictory. It's as simple as being confused about how to structure the response or opinion, so "tapi" or "cuma" comes out. Similar to how someone starts a sentence/conversation with "jadi..." without actually concluding anything. After realising this habit of mine, I slowly started to change the way I construct sentences.

Mirror.

You,

You just might be at a cross roads in your life. A juncture where uncertainty meets hope. It's a natural to question and to wonder if the choices we make today will align with the dreams we've nurtured. But I remember once you said that life has an artful way of surprising us, nudging us toward unfamiliar yet exciting paths.

Step back.

By stepping back and doing all that observing, somewhere along the way, you'll let the chapters of your story unfold organically. It's through these small observations that clarity often emerges, illuminating the path ahead. While uncertainties may cast shadows, they also create space for growth and transformation.

And as the days unfold, we will weather this season of change, holding onto the belief that every choice made in earnest brings its own rewards.

Singapore, January 2023.

Been a long time, hey, Singapore!

There's something so very wonderful about you and having families there! I've definitely feeling "Singaporesick" and craving a little vacation. I decided to fly to Singapore last weekend. And man, am I so. glad. I. did!

My mother and I got to see my brothers, my second cousin and his family, my aunt and her family, and more aunts. And I was honored to be invited by business partners to their offices. Since the pandemic we haven't had the opportunity to spend a ton of time with each other. I feel this need to make up for lost time and spend as much time with each other as we can. I'm not sure they are all prepared for seeing me that often, but since things are going back to normal, I guess we can consider this their formal warning HEHE.

But of course the trip came and went way too fast!

We were all definitely in catch up mode since it's been so long since we'd last seen each other. I wish I had gotten just a little more time with everyone. Luckily, < 2 hours fly goes by so quickly and I'll be making it there a lot more often just like the pre-pandemic ME! Although, the fly home wasn't comfortable. The turbulences are NO JOKE! They were terrible.

I also realized when I got home that I didn't drink beer take many pictures! I guess we were just having way too much fun to stop and snap photos. Next time I'll be pulling my phone out more often!

#LightToNightSG with Burger Ramly food stall I was soooo lucky!!

Tried new restaurant and suppa beverage. Defo gonna back next time!

Back to work so SEE YA LATER!

Hot Weather, You ARE SO Difficult....

I have a very big issue with hot weather and going outside during the day, but even though my eczema and rashes are back as hell (week 3 or 4 is it?) I went outside to meet colleagues and a friend. Nowadays I probably took longer to get ready to go out. I feel lame.

Then comes the rain afternoon and night until my backyard is flooded. I love rain, did I mention that?

I have a million things to do but sadly I'm finding it's more difficult than usual to focus and forgetting things easily. Things are hard enough so yes, I'm procrastinating. I know it's going to bite me in the ass, but all I can think about is another million things such as: reading a fiction, going to a mall to *NGADEM*, staring another online course, new ways to do my makeup, running, how sick-and-tired I am of the damn hot weather, my aching back, saving up, visiting Singapore, being lazy, organizing, watching a film, a new blog design, and it doesn't really end there really..

And as always, I'm thinking about how nice vintage camera is...

Bye for now. I'm starving.

Last Post of #52WeeksofMisswhadevr | I'm a Ball of Feelings This Year.

I just had to *FINISH* this lol.

Circumstances are beyond my control AND I lost my joy since COVID-19 breakouts AND as the year progressed AND things pilled up on me AND while I was able to write.. I'm not sure it was the journal I initially envisioned. :)

But in all seriousness I enjoy writing *random* blog post this year. Also, happy 15th birthday to misswhadevr dot com.

Have a nice stay-at-home new year party to all!

Carpe Diem.

Almost everyday, I wake up with a sense of insecurity knowing that so far I always feel like there are better things I could be doing with my time. I wonder sometimes.. if we ever can escape hardships.

I have been standing at a crossroad in life for almost a year now. I want to make some decisions that could ultimately affect the rest of my life. Apart from this pandemic, it's so hard to choose which path to take (this pandemic apparently set a temporary decision for me so I find it quite off that I can be completely confident in my decision making skills).

Five Things.

On my mind...

1. Sometimes things just happen the right way and you say "yes". I need to get back to saying "yes". I would thrust out my "no" too quickly and closed myself off to opportunities. But now, I feel safe enough to be open again.

2. I think back to the way it felt to go to the office without laptop in my bag in the morning with a cup of coffee in my hand, fresh air deep in my lungs. Hmm...

3. I think that big changes actually can be easy when we're making them in order to be in alignment with our higher selves.

4. Why did they have to remake Disney Movies?

5. The last thing I've been pondering today is how much we talk about the differences in thinking between women and men. How one always thinks they know slightly more or slightly better than the other. How sometimes the best thing to do is to just keep quiet. I mean, you say your piece, and then let yourself move on.

London, July 25th, 2017.

"Then which of your Lord's blessings would you both deny?" (QS Ar-Rahman)

Sometimes I read my Holy Qur'an and feel like I am a total failure. It's not just because everyday I sin and everyday I fall short of what I know I'm capable of doing, but it's because I read verses like the one above and I feel like it should be simple: Be thankful.

It shouldn't be hard, right?

Why do I have to stop and think for a second?

Coffee Talk #5: Catching Up with Life.

So I just had a very adult-y talk with friends o'mine. Both of them are newly separated/divorced so our convo was kinda odd from my perspective. The Guy (let's say his name was Agus) admitted that he cried like a baby after that decision was made, but probably a bit defensive, he said, "I don't know where the idea came from that guy don't cry. We live in a world where tears are fucking real!", Agus sipped his coffee. "We are emotional beings.", he continued.

"There are appropriate times and ways to do so. Go ahead and cry or whatever you need to do.", I responded. I don't understand the pain, but since I had an unsuccessful relationship long time ago, I know when a relationship ends there might be a god-sized hole in our lives. So, yeah, you can cry. Burying the anger, pain, and grief, sometimes only set us up for worse problem later.